Periods of Uncertainty

Periods of uncertainty can feel like a holding pattern . My life seems to shift beyond my control and I often have to go with it. I am someone who needs to create or connect to something. It helps me to feel grounded. Lately I have been in a state of floating…seeking.   My journey has led me to a deeper place. I am drawn in again to the mystical. I have been looking for an opening of calm and peace. Connecting with myself. When the noise fades away and there is nothing else, we have our connection to self. Sometimes it’s so hard to be still. I feel like I should be producing all of the time. I feel like if I don’t, I just might fade away. But will I? I’m learning to trust. I’m learning to sit with the open space. I’m learning to grow by sitting still and I’m letting my roots dig a little bit deeper into the ground. I sometimes question if that’s ok. I guess it has to be, because I can’t stop it. I have been buying more books and crystals, resting more, getting slow, getting quiet. What I’m being shown is that connection, belief, hope and love are here within me. I just have to open my heart more and more. We live in a fast track life and everyday it seems to get faster. We have to swim harder to get ahead. I just want to tread water sometimes and hope I don’t lose the race or get forgotten. Is there really a race at all? I just want to open my eyes and take it all in. Breathe in life. I have never wanted to feel like a machine but there is always the conflict because I am sort of all or nothing. I’m learning how to find the space in between all or nothing. I’m learning to flow but also learning to stay grounded. The life of a creative person is an interesting one (although we are all creators of our lives). Learning to live life with both feet on the ground but the head in the clouds. Doesn’t sound too bad.

Lauren

Authenticity

I was watching a show last week called Super Soul Sunday.  I don’t get to watch it that often but whenever I do, I get inspired.  On this particular episode they were discussing success. Basically the bottom line is that when you are successful you have figured out how to connect with who you are.  You are authentic and you are truly in touch with yourself.  I know that when I create I am being myself.  When I connect to others in an open hearted way I am being myself.  My desire is to do these things regularly.  This makes me happy and that is ultimately to me, success.

I have decided that I am committed.  I am committed to the daily practice of painting and drawing and by doing this I am committing to the daily practice of being open.  I want to be open.  Being open also makes me happy.  As an artist I have a desire to learn, improve and express.  By doing these things I am automatically connected to my subject and I love to tell their story.  I see the lines around their eyes and the curves on their faces.  They are all similar and unique at the same time.  There is no shortage of interesting people.

When I start this daily project I went into the unknown.  I started with a pencil drawing to work on shading.  I felt inspired to add some color as time went on and quickly started splashing color with washes of watery acrylic.  I realize that I like this and I may even like watercolor.  I would never have known that if I didn’t make the committent and let go so I went for the ride.  I’m still taking the ride.  That’s life right?  I love all of the interaction and support.  It’s been so much fun.  It’s all a journey and mostly I’m just grateful that I get to be myself.

While writing the above post in a journal I turned the page and there was a poem that I had written in 2003 that was expressing this very same thing.  Crazy right?  I thought I’d share with you….

 

Within each heart there’s a light

burning inside each of us

A flame ignited at the instant of birth, that carries truth, clarity and guidance

And yet as we grow and bury our souls

brick by brick, blow by blow it is hidden

When we seek future goals, our light seems cool coals

and the truth from within seems forbidden

It is not for the weak of heart to journey within to find that spark

and once more follow it’s warm loving call

For we must work hard to be who we are

and continue to climb as we fall

Within our hearts are the answers

down deep beneath all we’ve learned we should be

To reconnect with out inner light

To live our truest life

and finally be set free

30 Faces

A couple of weeks ago I decided that I needed start to break out of my creative comfort zone and create daily and share for accountability, thanks to the support of a special friend. It is very hard for me to share my work often because I feel that it is imposing and that I am asking for too much by sharing. I think that this is what holds me back in general from truly living my life as a full blown artist, working as often as I possibly can. This challenge holds two benefits. One is that I will be creating every day for 30 days and the other is that I will have to break out of my comfort zone and share much more than I feel comfortable sharing. It is very vulnerable and I often avoid the whole thing by turning away from creating in the first place. I’m not saying that I never create, it’s just not nearly as often as I could be.

I have always drawn and created. This is not only a small part of who I am, it is the biggest part of who I am. When I grew up I was known as an artist but I minimized it to a large degree and took this gift for granted. I created always but not to the level that I could have. This is a very personal relationship, the one to my art. It has the potential to lift me up to the highest version of myself. As I get older I get tired of pushing it aside. I need to create to be a fully happy person who is at ease.

My children were off for two weeks and went back to school today. When their vacation began, my challenge began. This was a coincidence but also a great lesson. Not only did I do the work daily when they were home, but we were all happier. I don’t feel tight and irritated like I am slightly suffocating. I feel at ease. They left this morning and I will miss them. This is because I have been giving myself a gift daily. I love art and I love all of the people who have taken a minute out of their days to look at my work, like it and share a comment of support. This means so, so much to me. This is helping me to take that in. Nothing in life is done alone. We need each other.

Lastly I want to say without being preachy, if there is something you love to do, do it. That is what we are here to do. If you don’t know what you love to do, just allow yourself to be happy.

Freedom

I have stumbled upon my blog again after quite a long time.  Time flies I guess.  This is a world full of passwords and I can’t seem to stay on top of it.  I’m happy to say, I have reset my password and I’m ready to begin again.  I am entering a new phase in my art.  My desire is to loosen up and let go more.  I want to express freedom through my art and have the freedom to express. Freedom is a word that I love.  I remember seeing a monument in Washington DC when I was around 13 that said, “Freedom Is Not Free”.  I remember wondering what that meant.  I now know what it means but I’m not sure that it can apply to all areas.  Can we be free to be happy?  Do we have to pay for that or fight for that?  Do we have to fight ourselves?  Are we free to create or do we have to pay for that somehow?  Can we allow ourselves to be free?  I always think of life as a seesaw and I try to stay in balance.  I am often not fully in balance, but I strive to be.  This thought brings me to the act of saying no.  I am always impressed by people who can say no.  When your cup is about to runneth over (not in a good way) how hard is it to say no?  I don’t know if this applies to men as much as it applies to women.  We don’t seem to like saying no (except to our children.  I personally hear myself saying no to them a lot).  How do we carve out space for ourselves?  Allow ourselves some freedom?  Freedom to express the unique part of ourselves that we were meant to express.  I would like to offer a challenge to all that may be reading this.  Can you carve out a little time to feel free?  What makes you feel free?

~Lauren

Fig Leaf

Letting go of modesty and claiming all that we are. That is the message of the painting and my hope for all women.

Fig Leaf in progress

This painting which is a work in progress will contain a fig leaf.  Fig leaves are often used to cover areas of paintings that are considered too risque.  The woman in this painting no longer needs to hide or to be modest.  She is open and willing to receive.  I hope that I can do her justice…

Beautiful Dreamer

My intention with this painting is to connect with dreaming.  May we all have the freedom and desire to experience the innocence of our youth and the dreams that we had and still do.

Age Of Enlightenment

My intention with this painting is to express that the age of enlightenment is now.  We are all on this path of growth and awareness and we hold the future in our hands

Free As A Bird

This gallery contains 1 photo.

My intention with with this painting was to express the strength, confidence and joy that come with being free.  Letting your heart fly.  She is strong, free and vibrant.